Characteristics of a Healthy Marriage James Z. Framo, PhD, Marriage Counselor Department of Psychology, Temple University
The partners are more personally differentiated (have their own Identity.,sense of themselves and their uniqueness) and dependency on each other is voluntary.
They have come to terms with the roots of their irrational expectations of marriage and of spouse, which came from their family of origin (the family they grew up in).
They have developed a more empathic understanding of their mate.
They can meet each other's realistic needs in the face of their differentness.
They can communicate more clearly and openly.
They like each other more and they enjoy sex with each other.
They have learned to deal with the issues between them.
They can enjoy life more, and get pleasure from work and from their children.
They have developed flexibility in dealing with situational stresses and crisis.
They have adjusted to the disenchantment of romantic love and have more realistic appraisals of the vicissitudes of mature, idealized love.
• Communication - clear, open, direct(verbal & non-verbal), feelings and emotions freely expressed, anger seen as a need for change, each hears and responds to others
• Autonomy - family consists of separate individuals, each takes responsibilty for personal actions and behaviour
• Acceptance - respect for the unique experience of others
• Structure - clear, flexible roles, the family script, consistent rules help resolve conflict
• Leadership - power shared appropriately by parents, fair without domination, humiliation or scapegoating, noone told what to think or feel, even the youngest is considered able to contribute
• Partnership - strong bonding and coalition of parents
• Flexibility - give and take, adapt to individual needs & changing circumstances, change not seen as threatening
• Support networks - inside and outside the family, provide strength & stability for coping with problems & stresses
• Family time - attention is paid to doing things together
• Growth - warm, nurturing, fulfilling atmosphere
• Need for intimacy - tenderness not seen as weakness, sexual interest considered a generally positive force
• Religion, philosophy and reality - positive values and beliefs, world-view is realistic but extends beyond the present
Reference: No Single Thread: Psychological Health in Family Systems, JM Lewis et al, 1976, Brunner/Mazel, New York (Study by the Timberlawn Foundation, Dallas, Texas)
Common Relationship Problems
Relationships are constantly changing; they may include perfect moments but in a sustained relationship there are many highs, lows and lengthy plateaus. Even in strong partnerships there will be times when changes happen and you may hit rockier patches.
Relationship problems can be trigged by a multitude of issues. Sometimes major life events such as job loss or illness can cause significant personal and relationship stress which tests the partnership to breaking point.
Some relationships labour under the pressure of one partner suffering an addiction or substance abuse problem. Often sexual issues can create tension and due to the nature of the subject matter some people are reluctant to talk things through, leading to a breakdown in communication. Many relationships continue to function, albeit imperfectly, through infidelity or physical abuse.
The stress of managing money or children can slowly affect the health of a relationship; when you are too busy dealing with the pressures of everyday life it is sometimes easier to simply ignore the effects on your relationship.
If you think your relationship is in trouble then you are probably right. However, many issues and problems can be resolved and they don't have to mean separation or divorce. If you still have a connection, have been together for a long time or you have children, you may want to try and salvage a relationship rather than walk away.
Whatever is concerning you, the first step is to acknowledge the problem exists and then to understand the root cause of the problem before finding the tools, support and guidance to help you to cope and move forward positively.
Whatever your problem someone else has faced it as well. As part of their training, MFTs draw upon the advice and experience of people who have survived and sustained their relationships through significant crises.
What is Marriage and Family Therapy?
A family's patterns of behavior influences the individual and therefore may need to be a part of the treatment plan. In marriage and family therapy, the unit of treatment isn't just the person - even if only a single person is interviewed - it is the set of relationships in which the person is imbedded. Marriage and family therapy is: Brief; solution-focused; specific, with attainable therapeutic goals; designed with the "end in mind."
Marriage and family therapists treat a wide range of serious clinical problems including: depression, marital problems, anxiety, individual psychological problems, and child-parent problems.
Research indicates that marriage and family therapy is as effective, and in some cases more effective than standard and/or individual treatments for many mental health problems such as: adult schizophrenia, affective (mood) disorders, adult alcoholism and drug abuse, children's conduct disorders, adolescent drug abuse, anorexia in young adult women, childhood autism, chronic physical illness in adults and children, and marital distress and conflict.
Marriage and family therapists regularly practice short-term therapy; 12 sessions on average. Nearly 65.6% of the cases are completed within 20 sessions, 87.9% within 50 sessions. Marital/couples therapy (11.5 sessions) and family therapy (9 sessions) both require less time than the average individuated treatment (13 sessions). About half of the treatment provided by marriage and family therapists is one-on-one with the other half divided between marital/couple and family therapy, or a combination of treatments.
What are Marriage and Family Therapists?
Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs) are mental health professionals trained in psychotherapy and family systems, and licensed to diagnose and treat mental and emotional disorders within the context of marriage, couples and family systems.
MFTs are a highly experienced group of practitioners, with an average of 13 years of clinical practice in the field of marriage and family therapy. They evaluate and treat mental and emotional disorders, other health and behavioral problems, and address a wide array of relationship issues within the context of the family system.
MFTs broaden the traditional emphasis on the individual to attend to the nature and role of individuals in primary relationship networks such as marriage and the family.MFTs take a holistic perspective to health care; they are concerned with the overall, long-term well-being of individuals and their families.
MFTs first earn a B.S. or B.A. degree in psychology or a related discipline, and then spend two to three years completing a graduate program in specific areas of psychology relevant to marriage and family therapy. Consequently, MFTs typically have graduate training (a Master's or Doctoral degree) in marriage and family therapy and at least two years of clinical experience. After graduation, prospective Marriage and Family Therapists work as interns until they can accumulate the required hours of direct supervision by a clinical supervisor and 3000 hours of supervised clinical experience working as a Marriage and Family Therapist in order to meet the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania’s requirements for licensure. Candidates for licensure is then permitted to take the Marriage and Family Therapy Licensure Exam. Concequently, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists have graduate training (at least a Master’s or Doctoral degree) in Marriage and Family Therapy, have at least two years of supervised clinical experience, and have passed a rigorous examination assessing their ability. LMFTs are recognized as a "core" mental health profession, along with psychiatry, psychology, social work and psychiatric nursing. Since 1970 there has been a 50-fold increase in the number of MFTs. At any given time they are treating over 1.8 million people.
Be careful when shopping around for a MFT. While most psychologists and counselors advertise that they do “marriage counseling,” most have had only a course or two in marriage counseling and limited training and experience in actually doing Marriage and Family Therapy. Consequently, when selecting a Marriage and Family Therapist, it is imperative to ask your potential counselor about their training, experience and competence to offer professional Marriage and Family Therapy. Most Marriage and Family Therapists have attained Clinical Membership or Approved Supervisor status with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) and maintain their membership with this organization. Professional Marriage and Family Therapists have also been licensed by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania in Marriage and Family Therapy. If a mental health professional was trained in another discipline, such as Psychology, Clinical Social Work, Pastoral Counseling or Professional Counseling, in order to practice Marriage and Family Therapy that professional should also have received addditional training and supervised experience in order to qualify for AAMFT Clinical Membership and are listed by the AAMFT as active Clinical Members.
What qualifications are required to become a Marriage and Family Therapist?
Marriage and family therapy is a distinct professional discipline with graduate and post graduate programs. Three options are available for those interested in becoming a marriage and family therapist: master's degree (2-3 years), doctoral program (3-5 years), or post-graduate clinical training programs (3-4 years). Historically, marriage and family therapists have come from a wide variety of educational backgrounds including psychology, psychiatry, social work, nursing, pastoral counseling and education.
The Federal government has designated marriage and family therapy as a core mental health profession along with psychiatry, psychology, social work and psychiatric nursing. Currently 48 states also support and regulate the profession by licensing or certifying marriage and family therapists with many other states considering licensing bills.
The regulatory requirements in most states are substantially equivalent to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists Clinical Membership standards. After graduation from an accredited program, a period - usually two years - of post-degree supervised clinical experience is necessary before licensure or certification. When the supervision period is completed, the therapist can take a state licensing exam, or the national examination for marriage and family therapists conducted by the AAMFT Regulatory Boards. This exam is used as a licensure requirement in most states.
Why use a Marriage and Family Therapist?
Research studies repeatedly demonstrate the effectiveness of marriage and family therapy in treating the full range of mental and emotional disorders and health problems. Adolescent drug abuse, depression, alcoholism, obesity and dementia in the elderly -- as well as marital distress and conflict -- are just some of the conditions Marriage and Family Therapists effectively treat.
Studies also show that clients are highly satisfied with services of Marriage and Family Therapists. Clients report marked improvement in work productivity, co-worker relationships, family relationships, partner relationships, emotional health, overall health, social life, and community involvement
In a recent study, consumers report that marriage and family therapists are the mental health professionals they would most likely recommend to friends. Over 98 percent of clients of marriage and family therapists report therapy services as good or excellent.
After receiving treatment, almost 90% of clients report an improvement in their emotional health, and nearly two-thirds report an improvement in their overall physical health. A majority of clients report an improvement in their functioning at work, and over three-fourths of those receiving marital/couples or family therapy report an improvement in the couple relationship. When a child is the identified patient, parents report that their child's behavior improved in 73.7% of the cases, their ability to get along with other children significantly improved and there was improved performance in school.
Marriage and family therapy's prominence in the mental health field has increased due to its brief, solution-focused treatment, its family-centered approach, and its demonstrated effectiveness. Marriage and family therapists are licensed or certified in 48 states and are recognized by the federal government as members of a distinct mental health discipline.
Today more than 50,000 marriage and family therapists treat individuals, couples, and families nationwide. Membership in the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) has grown from 237 members in 1960 to more than 23,000 in 1996. This growth is a result, in part, of renewed public awareness of the value of family life and concern about the increased stresses on families in a rapidly changing world.
Marital and Family Therapy with Individuals
Many therapists who have not been trained in Marriage and Family Therapy mistakenly assume that Marriage and Family Therapy is limited to work with couples or several different family members at the same time. This is a complete misconception based upon their ignorance and lack of proper training to work with couples and other relational systems. Marriage and Family Therapy is not defined by who happens to be in the counseling office at a particular moment. Rather, the distinction between professional Marriage and Family Therapists and therapists who operate from any one of a number of individual model’s of psychotherapy (e.g., Freudian Psychoanalysis, Jungian Analysis, Rogerian Client Centered, Ellis’s Rational-Emotive Therapy, Beck’s Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, etc.) is the markedly different perspective held by a Marriage and Family Therapist (versus an individually oriented therapist) on the nature, role and purpose of psychopathological symptoms and dysfunctional behavioral patterns. Consequently, Marriage and Family Therapy is often practiced with only one marital partner or family member in the counseling office.
This does not mean that Marriage and Family Therapy is most effective when conducted individually. The homeostatic proclivity of members of the marital or family system always seeks to maintain the status quo and to pressure individual members of a system to continue functioning with old familiar behavioral patterns and maintaining the same painfully dysfunctional roles. Typically, the reason one spouse does not attend marital counseling (such as the “alcoholic husband) or a particular family member (such as the oppositionally defiant 15 year old) refuses to attend family therapy is that they know therapy will likely effect positive change (such as setting and maintaining appropriate relational boundaries; or reducing enabling or over-functioning behaviors), and result in their inability to continue to function in a position of control over the whole system. However, it is very possible to create significant positive change by working with even just one family member, and we see successful outcomes in such situations all the time. Bowen, in fact, preferred to work with individuals rather than larger configurations of family members. Typically, Bowen preferred to work with the most self-differentiated member of the marital system, that is the one most willing and able to make positive changes in their own role functioning and behavioral patterns. Family Therapy with one individual typically focuses on self-differentiation; developing a new understanding of other family members as individual people, and not images or roles, observing triangles and leaning how to detriangulate from the destructive triangles which exist within the marital and family system; as well as realizing their own role within the dynamics of the system; often avoiding emotional cutoffs in the false guise of denied emotional dependence on the family and exaggerated independence. Prerequisites are knowledge of family systems and strong motivation. Genograms—a map of family relationships and relational roles and patterns---are essential.
Duration of Marriage and Family Therapy The number of sessions depends on the situation, but the average is 5-20 sessions. A family therapist usually meets several members of the family at the same time. This has the advantage of making differences between the ways family members perceive mutual relations as well as interaction patterns in the session apparent both for the therapist and the family. These patterns frequently mirror habitual interaction patterns at home, even though the therapist is now incorporated into the family system. Therapy interventions usually focus on relationship patterns rather than on analyzing impulses of the unconscious mind or early childhood trauma of individuals as a Freudian therapist would do - although some schools of family therapy, for example psychodynamic and intergenerational, do consider such individual and historical factors.
Family therapy is really a way of thinking, an epistemology rather than about how many people sit in the room with the therapist. Family therapists are relational therapists; they are generally more interested in what goes between people rather than in people. Depending on circumstances, a therapist may point out to the family interaction patterns that the family might have not noticed; or suggest different ways of responding to other family members. These changes in the way of responding may then trigger repercussions in the whole system, leading to a more satisfactory systemic state; it should be noted though, that some family therapists - in particular those that identify as psychodynamic, object relations, intergenerational, EFT, or experiential family therapists - tend to be as interested in individuals as in systems.
How can I find a Marriage and Family Therapist?
AAMFT Clinical Members meet stringent training and education requirements that qualify them for the independent practice of marriage and family therapy.
AAMFT requires Clinical Members to abide by the AAMFT Code of Ethics, the most stringent ethical code in the marriage and family therapy profession. This code delineates specific ethical behavior and guidelines for members to follow to ensure the ethical treatment of clients.
Clinical Membership in the AAMFT signifies an MFT’s dedication to his or her ongoing professional development. Each month, AAMFT Clinical Members receive important updates on current clinical and research developments in the field, as well as numerous opportunities throughout the year to attend professional development conferences.
